Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
