my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're too hungover to prance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
