do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
