i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
