dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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