She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
