Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
