ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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