woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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