Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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