there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
