My hand turned me down
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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