I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
