just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need water and some morals
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
