then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
