I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
