Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
