Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
