maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
