Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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