you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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