and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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