i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
