...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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