Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
