what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
