Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
