What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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