How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
