do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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