My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
