I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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