That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sex in a hospital.. check
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The Olympian is in my bed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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