I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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