Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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