The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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