I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
