I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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