She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
