So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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