Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
