if you like me you must not know who I am
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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