i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
