I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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