i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
