Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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