how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
