I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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