Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
