Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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