Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
