He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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