You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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