my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
