jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
