I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
