totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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