i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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