I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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