While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
