I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Randomize
