making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
