Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
