The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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