I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
