I hate all girls vehemently.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
