Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
