yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
