My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
