Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
