You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
