dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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You took a bar mat shot.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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