Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
